Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
