I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
