i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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