accomplished twins. life is a go
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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