A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
