Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
