I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
