Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
