So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
