fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
