Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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