Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
