Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She tied me up with her honor cords...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
