covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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