You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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