This is not my ceiling
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
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I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking