it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.