worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Drake has all the answers
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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