She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.