I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
