Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
