I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
