How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
