why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
