Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They took my balls.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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