There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
