wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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