i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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