So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
