Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
