I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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