yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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