I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she told me i tasted like america
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize