Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Rumble strips road head = magical
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
