He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
