No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm always down for nudity.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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