god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do herpes really smell.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
