i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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