Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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