made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
