You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
