I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
