dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Boobs are out for the taking
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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