so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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