Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize