Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
