My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
