just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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