I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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