this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*