I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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