Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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