So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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