That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
