OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
