Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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