that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
