oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
