I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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