Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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