If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
