"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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