How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
