ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
