ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
