Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
