i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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