I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
