I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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